There are many things that makes me nervous in the daily life. I get nervous most when I am not confident about what I am speaking. I also feel nervous if I am blabbering something without prior knowledge and someone confronts it.
If I am given a topic that makes me uncomfortable, and the audience is large, I would tremble. A large audience makes me nervous. I would start shivering.
I start saying some random stuff to mingle into some group. It may not be convincing, but it still makes the conversation. If someone confronts that I am lying or that is not the truth, again the fear enters the body.
The thing about nervousness, what I understand is if you give the power to it, it engulfs you more. Nervousness is common, even a famous person speaking in front of million people will have it. The difference is they do not care about the audience. Once the speech starts flowing, there is no stop to it.
Nervousness doesn’t mean you’re not good, they mean you care.
From childhood me and my brother both were fond of cats and dogs. We had submitted an application to Mom for having it in house but got rejected. The reason being we will play with those all along and at the end mom would have to maintain them.
Of course you might have heard or read this in all stories from the Indian Household to get pets right?
But that did not stop the fondness in them. Whenever there is a cat or puppy roaming around from another home, we would start playing with it. The irony is whenever my parents are at home, no one comes to visit. They somehow know when kids are there. They jump the wall. They roll around to look cute in front of us.
My first wallpaper on facebook from net ❤️The wallpaper from the net
Cats and Dogs both are genius in different ways. One behaves like an owner and another manipulates you to surrender yourself.
Now which do i like most ? I did not find an answer until I looked at my old wallpapers and posts shared. It was always cats ❤️🩹. No hatred towards dogs. I like them when they are puppies. However, when they are all grown up, not all are my favorite. But cats whatever it might be, kitten or a grown up, they are best. Sorry dog lovers but cats win in smartness.
The model pose
So Am I a mad lover of cats, maybe not. Otherwise by hook or crook there would have been a cat in my home. But for sure I might try that out one day. Cats can be called as ambiverts may be, hence matching my interest 😁.
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
This is in 2009 when I had to have surgery because of certain health conditions. At those times the surgery amount was in lakhs and even though my parents were earning, the amount was quite larger than what they had saved for years.
Dad somehow arranged the money by hook or crook , surgery was successful and then came as a surprise to my dads bank account. It was the same amount back into the account. Dad wondered who did this!! Then comes a call from my distant relative of mothers family. He said : This is for my cute tiny little rachana. Not expecting anything in return.
Background to the story, he used to send greeting cards every new year with the message to me and brother as tiny little kids even though we were all grown up. My mother and him grew up together in the same house so those both were close cousins( sorry I am bad in the family tree explanation!!). Every time I wondered why he had so much concern with our family.
But the time when had sent money to my father, that day he became a favourite for me. Even though we never talked , I will always have good feeling when I think of this relative.
In this selfish world , if there is even one selfless guy who gives money out of respect and nothing is expected in return then you are lucky !!
My grandmother is one of the special people in my life for a variety of reasons. I am, who I am because of her.
For most of my childhood I have been taken care of by my grandmother. My working mother was always busy with her work. During those times, I became close to my grandmother. Maybe that’s why I am more like her than my mother.
She used to run behind me for making me finish the food and coffee she made for me. My grandmother’s usual morning routine was to wake up. Then she would get freshened. After that, she started preparing neer dose and coffee for the family. When I woke up all these things were ready and my parents would have left the office already. My grandmother starts calling my name continuously to have the food and coffee.
When the weekend arrived , I used to spend time with her in various ways. She became a widow at a very young age. Her fondness for nail polish, bhindi, kumkum, ornaments, and flowers never stopped even though being a widow. In those times , it was not a culture for widows to do these things. I must say she was brave and followed her beliefs without fear. Whenever I brought a new color of nail polish, she would come behind me. She would ask “Nangu haaku” 😃 cutely, which translates to “Put on me as well”. I was her favorite grand kid and she used to take me wherever she goes.
She is one of the most talkative people I have ever seen in life. She can talk the whole day without sleep non stop with one topic to another. So I guess I inherited that from her 🤪. People who have known me for a while have always shouted: “adestu matadthi swalpa silent kutko.” This translates to: “how much do you speak, stay silent for sometime” 😁. Oh here I go again non stop writing as well 😃.
She passed away when I got my new job. Sadly, I could not see her for the last time because I was in Bangalore. I had to join the new company. But I am sure she would be very happy with her favorite grand kids decision of staying back in Bangalore for the job. She would not regret anything in her life and lived through all the hardships.
So Ajji, wherever you are, I still remember you from time to time. I thank you for who you have made me.
There would be one or other busy days in a week where it would be too demanding to handle. You feel like the 24 hours were not enough for you. You complain , murmur at yourself, frown over petty things and then the last stage mental breakdown. It is crucial to sit and unwind the day. At that moment, the only thing you would want is peace.
The moment after the hectic day ends, there would be a long breath of relief. Then you sit just doing nothing. Look at the wall as if there is a ghost there. Simply sit silently across in the hall of your room. Once in a while, call your close friend to vent about the day’s fuss. It feels like a hot cup of ginger tea when you have a cough. You get relief for a while. You get time to smile over the things which mattered. You can ignore the silly worries. When nothing works out, the best medicine is to have a nice sleep. You also take a nap to shut down your body for a while.
The only things that matters is give the time after the busy day for your peacefulness. Let the brain, mind, and body rest for a while. Like all appliances, our body has a shelf life. Appliances can get heated or even explode with continuous usage. Similarly our body will force shutdown if you do not do it yourselves. I forget to often apply this on myself and my body at the end does the force shutdown by itself.
Doing nothing also takes a lot of guts. At the end, the next day your brain will make you feel regretful for wasting your day. But sometimes, to unwind from overwhelming situations, you need to do nothing. Take a break at least for a while to restart your next day.
It refreshed one instance of my high school story. A decision needed to be made about learning a second language in high school. The options were Hindi and Sanskrit. So the logic was, Sanskrit was the most chosen by all divisions of my class. The reason to choose this language by most was because you could score the highest marks in this language. The exams will have only certain word related questions which will be very easy to write. And where as Hindi you will get questions on certain topics and you have to write paragraphs on it.
Like others, I went along with the huge bunch to choose Sanskrit. I sat in a corner and waited for the Mam to come. But my mind was not satisfied with the decision I made. I ran outside and was standing outside the Hindi class where the Mam had already come. She remembered this instance throughout that year. She mentioned it to my parents. She referred to me as “The one girl who ran to choose Hindi at the last moment”.
There was a poem in our syllabus “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost. Somehow I landed with that one road where less people took that time in high school.
The poem ends saying
“I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
Choosing Hindi really made a difference. My first writing skill came from the same paragraph questions. These were the questions people feared for. And here I am writing many more!!
Sometimes it is easy to choose what everyone has chosen. However, the path less taken always involves a risk and an unexpected satisfaction.
Here goes a small poem on my dilemma which had been in high school :
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
कश्मकश में सुलझी, दिल और दिमाख उलझी सी
आखिर चुनूं क्या !!!
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
एक थी भाषा जो रूह को सुकून दी
दुसरी थी जो सब भाषा को जनम दी
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
दौड़ पड़ी बाहर और आखिर में सुन ही ली दिल की
दौड़ पड़ी बाहर और आखिर में सुन ही ली दिल की
जीत हुई दिल की और क्षमा मांगी जन्म भाषा को !!!
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
याद है आज भी वो दिन, सब के बीच कोने में बेटी थी एक लड़की
If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?
I have a very weak book or movie memory. Disadvantage of it is, I will not recollect anything more than a year which was read or watched. The advantage of it is I can read it multiple times or watch it multiple times I guess 😝.
So within the reach of my memory, the character I would want to be is the psychologist from the most viral netflix series Adolescence. Imagine someone giving you a death stare or poking you knowingly and you just do not have any reaction. That kind of strong personality is what I want to be. How hard the conversation is or how insulting or how provoking the opposite person might be pulling up, but you stick to the game plan and have uno reverse to the same person. Once this psychologist is all alone , she puts out all that anger, sadness or emotions she would have taken in while sitting in front of the person. And that is totally fine, after all we are humans, not robots to be emotionless. The goal is not to give the opposite person the chance to have a victory in the case of the worst situations.
A closed space with a bunch of people , not too overcrowded. A tutor or trainer who is as energetic as the storm and then a light musical environment. Being in this kind of exercise feels like day out and makes your day. Recently I experienced that light music during exercise can calm your mind a lot. Nothing beats still the energy of dance in an exercise and if you have people along its more fun. I am zero or negative in dancing but when it comes to groups who can encourage, then any step is dance right 😝😁
What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?
If this same prompt I would have answered a few months back then it would be lying in bed and assuming some pains in my body just to misguide my brain to take a sick leave. I was the lazy bum who will move only until there is some external force 😁. So spend an hour scrolling , overthinking and frowning over the work to do after waking up.
And the current is completely opposite of it. I am still a lazy bum and need some external force to move me out but that force now is meditation or yoga. Slowly the force is becoming a routine and waking up without the alarm shouting on to my ears. No more scrolling , instead will be scribbling on some prompts 😃. So this external force has turned me to a level of obedience but some days I roll over back to that lazy bum.
Things are not same anymore. It was 2019. That was the year I switched my job. I started to understand what my role and work were about. And then boom 9 months I have work friends, I start to get adjusted to the new office. There comes a surprise, media is fully covered with some random new virus in 2020 February month. I had no idea that was the last month I would be going to the office that year. I didn’t know how many more years it would be at all.
I have been lucky compared to all those who had struggled during Covid. Many lost their loved ones. Others lost their own life in this battle. Have we adapted to the changes ?? More precise question would be , are we the same people ?? We had no choice but to adapt in the hustle world. People keep on running to the other end seeking happiness. We were locked for like what 3 to 4 years and we had forgotten how to communicate itself !! Things are turning to normal in many places, but somehow I am stuck in 2019. 2019 to 2024, it feels like it snapped off like nothing happened. I would like to assume we also lost our 5 years in a blip. It is like the blip in the Avengers movie. Ironically the years mentioned in Avengers and reality somehow collide.
One biggest change or adaption it brought in us is the important of health and survival instincts. People who saw death in front of their eyes can answer better. There comes a lot of time question about which year you would like time travel if given a chance. I always got confused about the answer. Now I feel that if time travel exists, I would never want to go back. Not if I do not know where this covid originated from !!!
ಮನದ ಮಾತುಗಳು ❤️🗣️ 